Why didn't the amillennialist cross the road?

I recently had the pleasure of a chat with good brothers Carl Trueman and Todd Pruitt, and esteemed sister Aimee Byrd.

The latter favored me with a list of reasons why the dispensationalist would not cross the road. I thought it would be unkind not to offer her the same filial gesture, and so... ten reasons why the amillennialist would not cross the road:

1. The road is Jesus. Why would I want to cross Jesus?
2. This road is not mentioned in the Three Forms of Unity.
3. So many have already crossed it before me. Who am I to cross it for myself?
4. "Road" sounds so literal...which means it's carnal, which means no.
5. 2000 years ago roadcrossing was inaugurated, so I'm already living in the Age of The Other Side of the Road.
6. Nobody said anything about this road before 1800.
7. Hal Lindsey crossed a road once. You'll never catch me doing it.
8. Crossing the road might be taken to mean two ways of salvation.
9. Pretty sure Calvin, Knox, Owen, Berkhof and Van Til never crossed this road, and they're my heroes.
10. Most people who cross roads are not Calvinists.

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